I heard a memory of mine which was externalised, written as fact from another, this morning. It took me by surprise and perhaps offered me a different perspective on the story I carry or simply validated the one I have kept so close to my heart.
And so I’ve wanted to spend most of the day in my inner world, in the vast universe within. Where I can sit with me. The pull was strong this morning and this too came as a surprise.
A lot of my life has been with me and I needed it today. I wanted to give space for my thoughts to form. I wanted the memories that had emerged to gently walk alongside me whilst I familiarised myself with them again after so long. Not wanting to scare them away too soon, yet walking slowly, with trepidation.
The thoughts emerged gently and I was grateful for that. They translated into image, word and song. They came from the depths of my soul all day long. I was grateful too to find moments of stillness, of quietness during the day. First an image, then words tripping over one another and finally a melody I recorded to sooth and comfort.
The internal pull dissipated by the afternoon and like a dream, the intensity of the memories dispersed and equilibrium returned.
I gave a sign and had a slight urge to cry during today, and I know that’s ok, our memories can do that to us sometimes right.
Today has also brought more awareness of the gratitude I feel to be here at 52, living and breathing with purpose and joy. I am so glad of my art practice to turn to, to reflect with and to externalise my visceral memories onto paper. Holly Hobbie appeared in my image today, a mysterious symbol of my childhood. Can you see her ? She’s there, I promise.
This day is ending and I am still me, with the story I carry and now alongside this is a thought its also the story I share. To validate me, my history and my story and to celebrate my strengths. And so I’m curious if there’s more to follow.