If we could go anywhere
A few memories of growing up in 70s & 80s British council estate.
Childhood memories of looking out the kitchen window, watching the woman walk down the street, envious that she has breasts bouncing in abundance, so free.
When do you get breasts ? When are you enough (old enough or just enough) to get out into the world and live for me?
Looking at my mum sat on the bottom stair talking on the telephone, always talking on the telephone.
Sneaking to the neighbours house to watch the Young Ones (1982) on tv and cuddle their sausage dog.
Playing out.
Roller skating, cycling, tennis. Movement and flow. The wind in my face.
Wondering who Dr White’s was .
Friday night VHS rental guy comes knocking at the door. People peering into the boot of his car, to a world of wonder. If I could go anywhere where would I go tonight?
‘Rubber duck, rubber duck. Looks like we got ourselves a convoy’ Convey (1978)
Lieing on the field, looking up to the sky, no houses visible. Imagining if I could be anywhere where would I be? Into the convoy across America with Rubber Duck, maybe.
Neighbours garden filled with small caravans, ice cream truck and pop vans.
Wham, Human League, Paul Newman.
Motown, New Order, James Dean.
Movies and music and Top of the Pops.
The Hulk, the Love Boat and sisters.
Shared interests, shared lives, shared secrets.
Smelly rubbers under the bed and teddies lined along the top.
Childhood memories come and go.
Outdoor toilet and Susie the cat. Side gate, side path, side door, eyes to the side.
Darts in the back garden and darts in my leg.
Library trips and food shops, Kit Kats, penguins and crisps. The youngest always left with the ready salted.
Then into The Lion, the witch and the wardrobe and Judy Blume with teddies standing by.
Walking and cycling round your neighbourhood feeling like life would always be that way. Summer days at the chippy with chips and scratching and friends.
I’m grateful I’m here but would like to be there for that child in her hood, the hood of her coat she didn’t like, inside a world she found hard. Hiding in the hood of her coat, just a child.
Im grateful I’m strong and I’m brave and I am determined. A child-hood inside a familiar and difficult neighbour-hood.
So if we could go anywhere perhaps we’d go visit our younger selves and tell them it’s going to be ok, keep writing and imagining, keep drawing and reading, your going to be free. Your breasts do come and you are bouncing in abundance, see, just look at me.
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End note: Melissa asks in the film Convoy 1978 Why do they call you the Duck ? Rubber duck: Because it rhymes with luck. See, my daddy always told me to be just like a duck. Stay smooth on the surface and paddle like the devil underneath!’
Cover image is Kris Kristofferson and Ali Macgraw in Convoy 1978